Behind The Wall

In front, and all seems fine...
But when you dig right within...then you find it's actually not...

There are things not right..
It maybe the way we talk to each other...
The way we are just too easily frustrated....

I'm feeling vulnerable...too easily hurt by the words of people around me...
Or maybe that's what it should be...
Since they are people closest to my heart...

But the feeling lingers for far tooooo long....
It is that in this TIME of CHANGE that Satan had felt the threat..
that he had resorted to use such acts to break that "already weak" bonds...

That little words... that little acts....that little insinuations..
Hate it when it's like that

I hate it when i get yell at....
Cause at the end of it...it seems like only i felt bad about it...
and the rest simply continue on with their life....

Like nothing had ever happened...

IS it just me??

At this moment...this yielding for God grew stronger....

Maybe Satan wanted to distract me from the things of God with these little as such...

But still the feeling grew stronger...
the feeling that i need God more grew stronger..
with every single moment...

With every word typed...the empowerment grew...

Lord...I need You..beyond all....i only need You...
for i find no satisfaction with things that is not of You...
Lord help me
take away the impulsive frustration..
Take away that awful feeling that I am entrapped...for i know You had given me freedom..
Freedom that no one can take away...

Lord grant me LOVE...
that Love that endures...
that Love that is patience.....
that Love that last...
That Love like the water of living that i may taste and thirst no more....


LORD I NEED YOU...
BEYOND ALL..

for without You...i know not a thing..

for without You...i cant imagine...

For without You...how insignificant would all be...

Ooo CReator.....the Creator of me..Lord teach me now

Lord, You said You will use the willing and not the able...for you will enable the willing...

Use me Lord
Use me......

This....i pray...

An AWESOME start...

24 October 2009.

Tonight had been over over over the board.

The Lord is too good and timely for me.

Still suffering from shock.

As i was on the altar( responding to Isaac's call of being angry at God for past things etc)... and as we sung " Worship You, My Lord...Until the very end" and Coral prayed for me..

Isaac's words of being honest,rang in my mind..

So being honest....

I said to God....

That i was angry at times when i called and not hear His Voice

Screamed and cried, and not feel HIs presence or touch..

And as i kneeled down before Him, i said " for this time, that i'm so honest, can you please remind me that You actually hear me!"

Saying about that...i must say...never fool around with my God.

As i pour out all that i had to say...i hear our dear gaius's voice comin close.....

i thought he was going somewhere..but lest did i know it was me!

he say God gave him a dream of my desperation last night..(Jaw-drop moments.)

And it was by no coincidence....

he say God had greater greater thing to come....

(yes yes shocked shocked more shocked...but a pleasant one..)

Surely i got to ask him someday, what did he actually dream about...